I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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