I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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