I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
