butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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