yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
