I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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