cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
