Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
