if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
