can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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