How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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