after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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