I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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