dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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