U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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