Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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