went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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