Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
