youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
