i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
