Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
