I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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