Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
