im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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