The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
