He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to cum in my sink.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
