i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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