someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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