It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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