I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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