someone get that fucking seahorse.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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