She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God, I missed his penis.
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