idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
