i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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