I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
