i think i have two assholes
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
