My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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