This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
