I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
