So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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