Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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