I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize