well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
