Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
