what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
