Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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