Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
