So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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