i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
