Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
