I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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