i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Houston, we have a squirter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
