On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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