I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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