thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
