I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
