Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
