That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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