you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
