I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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