I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
