He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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