I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
