i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
