So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
