is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
